Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
