Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
