it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
