I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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