im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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