I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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