you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i think my cat just said my name.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
