She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
