im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
3pm strippers are depressing
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
