Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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