people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
