Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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