so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
