I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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