its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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