those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
