my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
