So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
