Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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