roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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