"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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