dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
