bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
