i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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