Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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