I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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