A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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