Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
