I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
