woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
