She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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