you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
