I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
