dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
