This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
