i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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