Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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