I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I could fuck to npr.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
