So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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