My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
