at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
