Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
