imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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