im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
