Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I met the friendliest cop last night
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You dont lie about slip and slides
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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