I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
