There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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