i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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