bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
