Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
