UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
