Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
