i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
