Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize