Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(