...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am available for nakedness