If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?