so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
