some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i've created a new STD.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
