What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
