he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
