I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
