Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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