So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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