I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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