Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You need Xanax blowdarts
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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