I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My penis needs a shock collar
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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