Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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