I just saw a hot homeless man
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
