if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
