I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
